Professional boundaries

The communities I’m part of are close-knit, and our paths may well cross outside of sessions, in person or online, now or at some point down the line. I’d rather share how I think about that in advance, so nothing feels unexpected if it happens.

Two things sit underneath everything below. I do not engage in romantic or sexual relationships with the people I work with, for the length of our work together and for a meaningful period afterwards, detailed for each kind of relationship below. And beyond that, I try to be guided by two simple principles: doing the least harm, and being fair to both of us, given that our positions in this relationship aren’t quite the same.

If we see each other in a public space

A party, a festival, a screening, an exhibition, a community event, a march. Or just as easily, the supermarket.

In these moments, I’ll tend not to be the one to say hello first. It isn’t about distance – it’s that I won’t know who you’re with, or what you might want in that moment, and I’d rather leave that choice with you. If you’d like to acknowledge me, a nod, a smile or saying hello is more than welcome, and I’ll happily respond. And if you’d rather let the moment pass, that’s completely fine too.

If we’re still working together, I’ll usually bring it up gently in our next session, mostly because these encounters often stir something worth a little space to talk through.

Sexualised spaces and apps

The same approach carries into sexualised or kink spaces, and onto dating and social apps.

If our paths cross in one of these spaces, I won’t engage with you there. And if I come across your profile on an app, I’ll block it. This isn’t a judgement of the space or of you. It’s mostly about protecting both our privacy in a setting that’s hard to have a considered conversation in.

If you happen to message me somewhere like this, I won’t reply there, but I’ll gently raise it with you at our next session, so we can talk about what came up. If we’re no longer working together by that point, there won’t really be a way for us to explore it together, so I’d hope this page can stand in for that conversation.

People we both know

Every so often, it becomes clear that I already know someone close to you – a partner, a lover, an ex, a good friend.

When that happens, I’ll name it, and we’ll figure out together what feels workable. Sometimes a bit of extra care is all that’s needed. Other times, it’s kinder and clearer for us to work towards an ending, and I’m glad to help you find someone else to continue with.

If we’ve ever been intimate in the past, I wouldn’t feel able to take you on as a client.

After our work ends

For therapy clients, this commitment doesn’t have an expiry date. It stays in place for as long as we both live.

I’d like to say a little about why, since a boundary like this can sometimes seem overly cautious. The guidance I work under doesn’t set a waiting period after which things become different, and this isn’t an oversight. Therapy isn’t quite a symmetrical relationship: you’ve shared things with me that I haven’t shared with you, and that shape doesn’t really wear off with time. I’m also not in a good position to judge for myself when enough distance has passed, since I’d be the one with something to gain from deciding it had. So it feels more honest to simply hold this steady, from the outset, rather than leave it open to be revisited later.

Everything else about how our paths might cross afterwards is more open, and something I’d rather think through with you than decide alone. If it looks like our lives may keep overlapping, it’s worth talking about as part of finding a good ending.

A note on supervision

Everything above applies to supervision too, with one difference worth naming plainly.

Supervision isn’t quite the same frame as therapy. It’s more consultative, often more collegial, and it’s genuinely common for supervisees to become colleagues, co-trainers or peers over the years that follow. I don’t think it’s honest to pretend that dynamic doesn’t exist, so I hold a different line here than I do for therapy clients.

While we’re working together, the same commitment against romantic or sexual contact applies in full. Once that supervisory relationship has properly ended, I hold to at least a year before anything personal could be considered, and only once it’s genuinely clear that the professional relationship, and whatever dependence or influence came with it, has run its course. A year passing on its own wouldn’t be enough for me if that weren’t also true.

We’re also likely to meet in professional settings, trainings, conferences, committees, while we’re working together. I won’t refer to our supervisory relationship there unless you’ve mentioned it yourself first, and if a shared professional context ever seems like it could affect my judgement, I’ll raise it with you directly.

Something here raise a question?

This is the kind of thing that’s easier to talk through than to read. If anything on this page feels unclear or you’d like to talk it over before we start working together, I’m happy to cover it on a first call.

Book a free call